Day 2: Who Inspired me to Find Beauty in Strength?
Inspiration surrounds us. Its presence is quite as it leads most of us closer to where we need to be. For me, it started with the one person that has and forever will, inspire me.
My mom.
When I was 13 I never wanted to be around her. She would try to come in my room and I would slam the door without question. I would yell and tell her I couldn’t wait to be old enough to leave. But she always stayed. Her heart was patient, she just wanted me to find out who I was.
When I was 14 that all changed. I got an eating disorder and in an instant, she became my rock. She took me to every appointment. She let me vent for hours about food and calories just because I needed to. She never asked for anything more than for me to try and get a little better each day.
When I was 15 I started to feel like myself again, but I had only just started my recovery. I tried to push her away, but despite my actions, she would buy the food I felt comfortable eating before I even had to asked. She helped me get my permit and let me drive her anytime I wanted. She took me to St. Louis for a girl’s day when my eating began to consume me. She did everything for me, and asked for nothing in return but for me to be healthy.
When I was 16 she helped me pick out my car. She took me to a therapist when I got depressed. She listened to me cry when I couldn't understand why I was gaining weight. She researched healthy alternatives for dieting and even offered to exercise and eat healthy with me. When I was too sad to leave my bed, she went to my high school to figure out a way for me to take classes online.
That Christmas, she brought presents in my room and stayed there with me while I opened them. I started to cry after I had lost on every lottery ticket I got. I told her that was how my life felt, and I could see her heart break as she saw the chaos in my head crumble me. I felt guilty for not caring about Christmas presents, but she understood. She never expected anything, she just wanted me to be happy.
When I was 17 I called her every morning when I started having panic attacks. She would answer without question and listen until I calmed down. She let me express my feelings about my anxiety with empathy and without judgement. She didn't see me as someone with anxiety, she saw me as her daughter. She never expected me to get better right away, she just wanted me to feel safe.
The love my mother had for me far outweighed any obstacle. She is a light. I strive every day to be a light as beautiful as hers.
I look back and wonder how a person could be so strong for another. She had grace in times most would fumble. I am reminded to love even stronger in times of hardship. Which means loving myself more when I am struggling too.
I always say if anyone deserves to go to heaven in this world it’s my mom. She is strong, she is courageous, and she doesn't give up on anyone or anything she sets her mind to. She inspires me and shows me that I can do anything.
She believes the best in people and that is a beautiful thing. If I could grow up to be half of the friend, daughter and mother she is, I would be humbled. We need more people like her. Someone who leaves the individuals they encounter a little better off than they were before.
Remembered to thank the women in your life who have given you strength when you needed it most. My mother continues to be my biggest supporter. Yet as I grew older I looked to my two beautiful cousins Sarah and Emelie.
They remind me to always be proud of who I am. Emelie, your heart burst with sunshine. I look to you when I need to be reminded of what a strong, determined women looks like. You never settle for anything less then what you deserve and it has given me the strength to do the same. Sarah, you have never given up trying to be the best version of yourself. Your ability to love your family and friends is more inspiring than I can ever begin to express. Thank you, for being the big sis I never had.
I am beautiful because these women set an example for me to trust myself and trust in my power to archive everything I want out of this life. I am beautiful because of the women who have encouraged me my entire life to be bold, brave and driven.
Author, Sammy Mills